How to Figure out What You Want in A Relationship

Happy couple that figure out what you want in a relationship

Imagine that you have just gone through a tough break-up. You feel like you have been through the wringer and don’t ever want to experience that kind of pain again. You might be wondering what you could have done differently or if there is someone out there that is better suited for you. You may even be questioning if you are worthy of love.

Couple that figure out what you want in a relationship

People can have a lot of trouble figuring out what they want in a relationship. This is often because they have never been in a good relationship before and don’t know what to look for. They may also be carrying around baggage from their past that is getting in the way of them dating now.

You are your own best life coach.

It’s completely natural to have a lot of trouble figuring out what you want in a relationship. Most people have never been in a good one before, so it can be difficult to know what to look for. Carrying around baggage from past relationships can also get in the way of having healthy relationships now. This article will provide some advice on How To Figure out What You Want in A Relationship so that you can move on from your past and find the perfect partner for you.

Wanting Relationship

It is very important to want a relationship. If you are not in the right headspace to want one, then it will be difficult to have a healthy and successful one. When you want a relationship, you are putting yourself out there and opening yourself up to possible hurt down the road. However, if you are not willing to take that risk, then you will never find the perfect partner for you.

A smiling couple wanting a relationship with a rainbow in the background

Here are some things to consider when you want a relationship:

Are You Ready for The Commitment?

Dating takes a lot of work and time. You can’t just start without thinking about the consequences. Are you ready to commit to your potential partner? Can you see yourself with them for the long haul? You’ll need some self awareness to answer these questions.

Do You Have Time for A Relationship?

To have a new relationship, you’ll need to make time for it. This means you’ll have to spend time with your partner. If you already have a busy life and don’t think you can fit another commitment into your schedule, then a relationship may not be right for you.

Do You Have Realistic Expectations for A Relationship?

Everyone has their own goals. This means that you shouldn’t expect your partner to fulfill all of your needs. They are not a mind reader and cannot read your thoughts. You’ll need to communicate with them openly and honestly if you want to have a long term relationship.

Can You Handle Potential Challenges that May Come Up?

No relationship starts perfect. There will be arguments and disagreements while dating. Can you handle these challenges without giving up on the relationship? It’s important to remember that relationships take work and you’ll need to put in the effort if you want it to last.

Are You Prepared to Put in The Work Required for A Significant Relationship?

Loving happy couple talking to each other at home.

New relationships are a lot of fun. However, as time goes on, the novelty will wear off and you’ll be left with the real relationship. This is when things can get tough if you’re not prepared for it. Are you ready to put in the self reflection and effort required to make your relationship successful?

Is Wanting a Relationship Bad?

The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. If you are not happy with yourself, it will be difficult to be happy in a relationship. When you want a relationship, it shows that you feel you are open to the idea of love. Love is never a bad thing.

Why Do I Crave to Be in A Relationship?

Life can be lonely and being in a relationship can help alleviate those feelings. It’s natural to crave the companionship and love that comes with being in a relationship. Finding the right person to be in a relationship with can be difficult, but it is worth the effort.

Your Past Relationship is Not Your Future

When it comes to relationships, your past is not indicative of your future. Just because you haven’t been in a good relationship before, doesn’t mean you won’t be in a good one in the future. Be your own life coach and don’t let your past experiences hold you back from finding the love of your life.

New couple trying something new together for a different future

Your Past Relationship Does Not Determine Your Future

Just because you haven’t been in a good relationship before, doesn’t mean you won’t be in a good one in the future. Don’t let your past experiences hold you back from finding the love of your life.

You deserve happiness and someone with qualities that you have never had in a past partner.

The Importance of Forgiving Yourself

Self Love is one of the most important things you can have in a relationship. If you don’t love yourself, it will be difficult to love someone else. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes. We all make them and we all deserve second chances.

Moving On from Your Past Relationships

The qualities that you want in a partner are probably different than the qualities that your last partner had. It’s important to move on and learn from it. Don’t let it hold you back from finding someone new.

Creating a New Relationship Vision

Find the perfect partner. Husband and Wife Kissing

Before you go out on a date, think of the essential qualities that you want in a partner. This will help you stay focused and not get sidetracked by someone who doesn’t have the qualities that you’re looking for. There’s more on this below.

Choosing the Right Partner

For your mental health, it’s important to choose the right partner. If you’re not compatible with them, it will be difficult to make your relationship work. Make sure you take the time to get to know them and see if they have the same core values as you do.

Building a New Relationship

Find essential qualities that you want in a partner. This will help you stay focused and not get sidetracked by someone who doesn’t have the qualities that you’re looking for.

When it comes to relationships, your past is not indicative of your future. Just because you haven’t been in a good relationship before, doesn’t mean you won’t be in a good one in the future. Don’t let your past experiences hold you back from finding the love of your life.

You deserve happiness and someone out there is a good match to compliment all your positive qualities.

What You’ve Learned from Past Relationships

It’s important to learn from your past relationships to make your next one successful. What did you like and dislike about your past relationships? What were the good and bad qualities of your past partners? What did you learn about yourself from being in those relationships?

What to Do if You Keep Attracting the Same Type of Person

Displeased Wife Talking To Husband Using Phone Ignoring Her Indoors

If you find that you keep attracting the same type of person, it’s time to take a good hard look at yourself and those red flags. What qualities and friends do you have that happen to attract these wrong types of partners?

Once you identify those qualities, you can work on changing them.

If you don’t, you’ll just keep attracting the same type of person.

What Are the Signs that You’re Not Over Your Ex

If you find that you’re still thinking about your ex, it’s a good indication that you’re not over them and not ready to move on. It’s important to give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship and heal before you start dating again.

Some signs include:

  • You compare every new person to your ex.
  • You bring up your ex in conversation often.
  • You still have their stuff.
  • You stalk their social media.

If you know they weren’t good for you, but you still desire them, then it’s time to do some soul searching to figure out why.

Perhaps seek professional help with a family therapist or relationship expert to find a better way to meet your inner needs.

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

A healthy relationship when a bride hugs her husband

A healthy relationship with your romantic partner is important for both of you. It’s a way to have someone to rely on, share your life with, and take on the world together. It’s also a way to have someone to love and be loved back.

What Are the 5 Most Important Things in A Relationship?

Many things are important in a relationship, but here are the five most important non negotiables:

1. Mutual respect: This means valuing each other’s opinions and feelings and being considerate of each other.

2. Communication: This includes talking openly about your feelings, essential needs and wants.

3. Honesty: Being truthful and open with each other is essential in any relationship.

4. Trust: This means being able to rely on each other, knowing that your partner won’t hurt or betray you.

5. Companionship: Spending time together and enjoying each other’s company is crucial in any relationship.

What Do You Need Most in A Relationship?

Everyone is different and therefore, everyone needs different important qualities in a relationship. However, in my opinion, almost everything can be repaired once broken except trust. If you don’t trust your partner, it will be very difficult to have a healthy and loving partnership.

Open and honest communication is always key with your potential partners.

Do They Share Your Values and Beliefs?

Couple watching a movie sharing values and same tastes

Similar values and beliefs are important in any relationship. It’s what helps to bind you two together when you start dating and keep you strong throughout life. If you share the same values, it will be easier to align your actions with those values and stay happily married.

Your personal values are the things that you hold dear and define who you are. They are what guide your decisions in life and help to shape your character.  Deal breakers are those things that you absolutely cannot compromise on in a relationship.

Do They Make You Feel Good About Yourself?

Don’t lose sight of who you are when you’re in a relationship. You should always be able to be yourself and feel good about yourself when you’re around your significant other. If you lose yourself in the process, there’s a good chance they aren’t what you need in a relationship.

If they make you feel bad about yourself, it’s time to end the relationship.

What you want in a relationship is someone who loves and accepts you for who you are. Someone with essential qualities who makes you feel good about yourself…. the co author to your life story.

Do They Make You Feel Safe and Secure?

guy and girl in each other's arms feeling safe and secure

Romantic relationships can be scary because you’re opening yourself up to someone else and vulnerability can be difficult. However, if you don’t feel safe and secure in your relationship, it’s not worth it.

A good partner will make you feel comfortable being vulnerable without self awareness and will never use your vulnerabilities against you.

Can You See Yourself with This Person Longterm?

All the things you need in a relationship won’t matter if you can’t see yourself with this person long-term. It’s important to have authentic communication about where you see the relationship going.

If you’re not on the same page, it will be difficult to make the current relationship last for life.

Identifying Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

Unhealthy relationship couple arguing near the window

It’s not always easy to have a healthy and romantic partnership. In fact, it can be downright difficult if you don’t know what to look for. Many people fall into unhealthy relationship patterns without even realizing it.

If you want to have a successful life together, you need to be able to identify these unhealthy patterns and work to change them or find a family therapist or relationship coach that can talk to you.

Checking Your Partner’s Phone or Email

One unhealthy pattern that many people engage in is checking their partner’s phone or email. This is a huge invasion of privacy and should never be done.

If you can’t trust your partner, then the relationship is doomed to fail.

Withholding Affection

Withholding affection is another unhealthy pattern that can lead to the demise of a relationship. If you’re not showing your partner love and affection, then they’re going to feel unloved and unimportant.

This will eventually lead to resentment and bitterness, which are two very negative emotions.

Getting Extremely Jealous

It’s wrong to try to control your partner and it’s also wrong to get extremely jealous. Jealousy is a normal emotion, but when it’s taken to the extreme, it can be very destructive.

If you’re constantly accusing your partner of cheating or flirting with other people, then it’s going to create a lot of tension and conflict in the relationship.

Nagging or Constantly Criticizing Your Partner

Picture of angry boyfriend criticizing his girlfriend

Another unhealthy pattern that can lead to the demise of a relationship is putting your partner down. This can be done in a variety of ways, but the end goal is always to make your partner feel bad about themselves. 

If you’re constantly putting your partner down, or especially if they are doing it to you…it’s time to end the relationship. 

Displaying Possessiveness

It’s normal to spend time with your parents and family members. Sometimes, people in relationships tend to get a little possessive and want their partner all to themselves.

While it’s perfectly normal to want to spend time with your partner, it’s not healthy to try to isolate them from friends and family.

This is a very unhealthy pattern that can lead to the destruction of a relationship.

Refusing to Compromise

When you are dating or married, there will be times when you have to compromise. If you’re not willing to do that, then the relationship is going to suffer.

Relationships are all about give and take. If you’re not willing to give a little, then the relationship is going to become one-sided very quickly.

Being Emotionally or Verbally Abusive

If your date can’t process their emotions in a healthy way, that’s a huge red flag. If you’re constantly being emotionally or verbally abused, then it’s time to walk away from the relationship.

No one deserves to have someone talk down to them or be treated like that, no matter how much you care about them.

Creating a Successful Relationship Plan

Happy couple with a healthy relationship smiling and hugging.

One of the best ways to ensure you’re happy and get what you want is by creating a plan. Some self reflection will help you to process what you want from dating and what qualities you want your romantic interest to have.

It will also help to identify any unhealthy patterns that may be present in your current partnership.

You want to write this down. There is a connection between writing and manifesting your desires. The more specific you are, the better. This will increase your self awareness about the essential qualities you want in a man when dating. Use your parents as a model for what you do or don’t want. Be honest with yourself!

Some things you may want to write in your relationship plan include:

  • Define Goals –  What do you want from each other? What do you want your dating to achieve?
  • Set Boundaries – Talk about what is and isn’t acceptable.
  • Create a Budget – Money can be one of the biggest sources of stress when dating (and in life).
  • Understand Personality Traits – How many qualities do you desire in a partner?
  • Identify Your Non-negotiables – What are your deal breakers?
  • Create a Communication Plan  – Friends and family are going to have an opinion about your dating, you need to be prepared for that.
  • Discuss Future Plans  – Honest conversations about where you see yourselves going are key.
  • Agree on Rules – There should be a mutual understanding of what is expected from both parties.
  • Deal with Conflict Productively  – Dating can create some significant opportunities to be honest and grow when you disagree. It’s the same idea as building muscle… stress causes growth.
  • Manage Expectations – be honest about what you want and the timeframe.
  • Celebrate Milestones – Significant moments deserve recognition. Are you happy to be with a person that doesn’t celebrate?

Conclusion/Action Steps

Man kissing woman with a smile. Cheerful

If you’re struggling to find the perfect partner, many things can help. From understanding your personality traits to laying out a strategy for how you want things to develop, there are steps you can take to achieve long-term success.

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself about what core values and essential qualities you’re looking for and be willing to compromise on other items. Remember, going out with someone is all about give and take. Write down your thoughts, and you may find that the man of your dreams is waiting for you right around the corner.

If you found this article helpful, please share it with your friends! And if you have any advice to add, feel free to leave a comment below. Thanks for reading!

FAQ

Q: How do I figure out what I want in a relationship?

A: Start by thinking about the qualities you want your romantic partner to have. What are your deal breakers? What is and isn’t acceptable for you? What do you want in a relationship goal? Once you have these things defined, it will be easier to find someone who meets your standards.

Q: Can creating a successful plan help me find the man of my dreams?

A: Yes! It can be very helpful to be clear about what you’re looking for before starting out with someone new. This can help to avoid any miscommunications or unrealistic expectations. Having a plan also allows both parties to have a mutual understanding of where the relationship is going and what each person’s personal values are.

Q: What if I have never been in a good relationship before?

A: That’s okay! Many people have never been in a good one and are still able to find happiness. A big part of finding success is being honest with yourself about what you want in a relationship and need in a partner. It can also be helpful to seek out advice from friends or family members who have been in happy, long-term relationships.

Q: How do I deal with conflict in a relationship?

A: The key to dealing with conflict is to be honest and open about your feelings. It’s also important to be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective and try to understand their point of view. If you can’t come to a resolution, it may be helpful to seek out outside advice from a family therapist or relationship counselor.

Q: Is it OK to not know what you want in a relationship?

A: It is OK to not know what you want! Many people find themselves in this situation. The important thing is to be honest with yourself and your date about your feelings and needs. If you’re unsure about something, don’t be afraid to ask questions or seek out advice from those who have been in successful relationships.

Q: What to do when you don’t know what you want?

A: If you don’t know what you want in a relationship, the best thing to do is communicate with your partner. Talk openly and honestly about your feelings, needs, and concerns. It’s also important to be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective. If you still can’t figure out what you want, it may be helpful to seek out advice from a family therapist or relationship counselor.

Q: How do you figure out what you want from a partner?

A: Start with your core values and essential qualities. What are you looking for in a partner? What are your deal breakers? Once you have these things defined, it will be easier to find someone who meets your standards.

Q: How do I know if I’m in a happy relationship?

A: A happy relationship is characterized by trust, respect, and open communication. If you feel like you can’t be yourself around your partner or if you’re feeling unsafe, then it’s likely it’s unhealthy. It’s also important to have a mutual understanding of where things are going and what each person’s personal values are.

Q: Can relationships be saved if there are unhealthy patterns?

A: Yes! Many relationships can be saved with the help of counseling or therapy. If you and your partner are willing to work on the relationship and address the unhealthy patterns, then there is hope for you both.

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